Night With A Dose Of Crack
by CranberryLolli
Summary: Poor Starscream is only minding his own business, until someone comes along... Pure crack. Short one-shot. R&R please!


**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING**

**Finally! A plot bunny! Actually, I've had plenty of other plot bunnies, but they weren't attacking. The evil forest gnome is back from my story TF Movie Parody: Aliens Vs Predator Requiem! Yay! The ending is from Scary Movie 4. It's awesome if a Transformer acted that out.**

**This is pure crack. Rated for language and some sexual humour. **

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One stupid night, as Starscream was watching Dead Silence just to scare the shit out of himself, the video paused.

"Phew... Luckily I didn't see the part where he got his fleshy tongue ripped off..."

The light went out and the TV switched off. Starscream suddenly got freaking pissed and screamed, "Blackout! Did you get drunk and kill the electricity again?" There was no response, thus adding to the Decepticon's pissy-ness.

He tried for his leader, "Hey, Megatron! Did you have sex with the power switch?" He hoped this would anger the mighty Decepticon leader and make him come out. But there was no response again.

Starscream got angrier and decided to find help himself. Turning on his night vision, he left his room and walked down the corridor. At the end of it, there was a dwarfish girl with wild black hair, clad in a white and pink dress. She was holding a flashlight, an empty box, had an annoying squeaky voice and long hair coming out of her nostrils and pits. She smelled like Megatron's underwear.

"Where are the jellybeans?" she asked.

Starscream blinked twice and turned to leave, only to see two mini Loch Ness Monsters before him. They had the faces of Megatron and Blackout.

"Oh freakin' A." Suddenly he heard a girly cry. No doubt it was Brawl.

"The jellybeans... they're in the fridge, right?" the creepy girl asked, smiling like an idiot.

"Oh slag. She's gonna turn Brawl into a goddamn mini Loch Ness Monster..." Starscream told himself dryly. He turned around to face the girl and slapped her damn face. "GO BACK TO SCOTLAND, YOU CRAZY BITCH."

She screamed like a banshee and lifted her arms, revealing her hairy and stinky pits. The smell was simply unbearable, and the Decepticon could even see the green waft of evil surrounding her. But as his hand flew to his nose to block the smell, she lowered her arms and said, "Relax, I won't hurt him. I just want my jellybeans."

Frustrated, Starscream yelled, "GO TO THE FRAGGING SUPERMARKET."

Quickly, the girl fell to the ground and attempted to crawl under his legs. "Primus!" he swore, and streaked off to Brawl's room. Once he reached it, he found a mini Loch Ness Monster in his place.

"HELL. Get back here, stupid girlie!" Starscream screeched. "Turn my comrades back to normal!"

Then he heard it – strange, maniacal laughter from the attic. "Oh what now..."

He headed to the attic and saw a small, cloaked figure. Well, Starscream wasn't stupid (yeah right). He activated his null ray cannon, and approached the mysterious figure who kept on laughing like a bitch. With his other hand, he pulled off the hood and screamed, "HOLY PRIMUS. IT'S SPONGEBOB."

"No you idiot. I'm the evil forest gnome. Keep that in mind, dammit."

"Oh. Okay. IT'S THE EVIL FOREST GNOME."

He laughed his insane, stupid laugh again before Starscream calmly said, "Shut your evil ass up. Evil forest gnomes are for kids," and shot him in the face.

Seconds later the creepy girl appeared again. "What the hell? You killed my boyfriend, yo!"

"Well, you turned my comrades into mini-sized creatures. And I bet this story is just like any other movie – if I kill you, everything will be back to normal. Goodbye bitch!" So he shot her in the face.

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_A WEEK LATER..._

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At night, Barricade was raiding the fridge when the lights switched off. He shrugged, thinking that it was Megatron AND Starscream having sex with the power switch, and turned on his night vision. He took a bowl of cereal and was about to close the fridge door when he saw a dwarfish girl with wild black hair, clad in a white and pink dress. There was long hair coming out of her nostrils and pits, and she lumbered towards him like a zombie.

"Eww... what's that horrible smell, for Primus' sake?"

"Oh NO..." He suddenly realised who he was looking at and put down his cereal bowl. "Grandma?"

The girl didn't answer, but raised her arms towards him.

"AHH! The zombies of Dawn of the Dead have got my Grandma!" He began punching and slapping the girl senseless. "DIE, GRANDMA, DIE!"

Frenzy randomly walked past him and stared with wide optics. "'Cade?"

"LOOK WHAT THEY DID TO MY GRANDMAMA!" Barricade picked up the girl and threw her out of the window. He then calmly began eating his cereal, with Frenzy staring like an idiot.

"That woman raised me from birth."

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End file.
